high school reunions

at your high school reunion be sure NOT to do any of the following:

start the night at the open bar with tequila, vodka cran, and jagerbombs, get a round of shots-for the whole graduating class, functionally blackout 20 minutes into the event, throw napkins, unbutton your shirt (for the whole night), attempt to have rational conversation, fistpump the roof off without any music, sexually harass every girl you see-whether or not you spoke to them in high school, hitchhike a ride from DMX's twin brother to the afterparty in a 2002 pontiac vibe at 2am, harass everyone entering the afterparty, get kicked out of the afterparty before you get in, brawl with the bouncers at the afterparty, let your friend go back to the door and talk shit to a 250lb man who felt it necessary to deliver an ocular cavity-breaking haymaker to said shit-talker (we love you cinnamon), lose your ride home, take a taxi home, not pay attention to where the 'caxi tab' driver is going, end up half way to New Hampshire, take off running from the cab and its $200 fee, or assume that the multiple calls and messages you left on the bar's voicemail- indicating you were a lawyer who will be investigating 'incident outside your establishment"-will not come back to haunt you.

at least i made my point to the class of 2003. matthew simonetti was here.